What Else Would I do?

Why art? Why is it important to me?

Have you ever been in complete silence? Not many of us have. There is always noise. Insects, birds, computers, cars, our own breathing.

I am not sure it is possible to be in complete silence unless you are in a place built for silence. Or in space, I guess.

For me, partial silence is almost impossible. I went to an ENT (ear, nose and throat doctor) once and had a hearing test done. I felt like I did horrible but when I left the little sound proof room and the audiologist said "If all my patients could hear like you, I would be out of a job." I was shocked.

All my life, I have heard noise. I can't hear what the person standing in front of me is saying but I always hear noise. I thought it was because I couldn't hear, so everything just sounded like a hum. I guess I can hear really well and because of that it is hard to focus on one noise at a time.

How does this explain why I chose art? I am getting there. Bear with me.

Living a life of being constantly overstimulating by noise is exhausting. There have only been a few times when I have been in "complete" silence. One of those times is inside a cavern. You know when they put the group in the darkest place inside the cave and turn out the lights. Every one is so still and quiet. There is hardly any noise.

The other time, which is significant to "Why art?" was when my family and I visited the Grand Canyon.

The Grand Canyon is beyond extraordinary. It is beautiful and empty.

We went to the Grand Canyon Skywalk. Which if you don't know is a large horseshoe, clear bottom, walkway that extends over the canyon allowing you to look straight down into it. You should visit.

After we walked over the skywalk, we went to the little path that circles under a large boulder right along the edge of the canyon. As I walked along the edge of one of the 7 natural wonders of the world, I realized I was alone. I also realized it was silent. I stopped dead in my tracks because it was silent.

In that moment, I felt grounded to the earth and disconnected from the world at the same time. The energy in that space in time was breathtaking. The peace the silence brought was incredible. For 10 seconds, I wasn't overwhelmed by noise.

That is why I chose art.

When I am drawing or coloring in my art, I feel the same way I did rooted to the edge the canyon. I lose myself in what I am doing. The art I am creating becomes an extension of who I am. I feel completely connected and disconnected at the same time. Silence and peace fill me.

Why would I do anything else, if creating gives me silence and peace. What else is there for me to do that would satisfy me so thoroughly?

Nothing I have done or tried has ever given me that same feeling of being completely connected to the universe and so disconnected from the world. Nothing else turns off all the noise that I constantly hear so completely.